A Good Old Feminist Rant
 Marin Alsop |  Vasily Petrenko |  Xian Zhang |
 Jocye DiDonato |  Nicola Benedetti |
So here we go again: The Proms. Last Night of the Proms, last year - I didn't see it. My partner loathes that kind of thing and I'd done plenty of scurrying away to watch over the weeks, so I was happy to forego the final event, since that particular gig wasn't really my bag. Checked out the reviews online though. Lordy! It's really true then, about Telegraph readers. It seems the (woman) conductor's speech was a 'feminist rant'. I tuned into the clip immediately because I love a feminist rant. But I found the rant difficult to detect. Had the clip been edited? The Telegraphers want women to stop speaking out because this is uncomfortable PC marxism and only serves to annoy. And more than that, if you women keep on, then good folk - tabloid and broadsheet readers alike - will suspect you're a lesbian! Only in she-conductor, Marin Alsop's case, she is a living, not suspected, but genuine, lesbian. Perhaps then she is less scared by the accusation. Perhaps not. One blogger thought the mezzo soprano, Jocye Didonato (a balloon size 10), should lose weight. Alsop fared rather worse: 'ugly', 'crass', 'insane marionette' and devastatingly, 'from the United States'.
The conductor of the Royal Liverpool Philarmonic, Vasily Petrenko, believes that conducting is for men, that: 'a cute girl on the podium means that the musicians think of other things'. I think he means the male musicians. I think. There's sparrows of confusion circling my head now. Haven't we heard this burqa-style argument before? But wait a minute, what if the woman (I really can't apologise enough but I have to make the gender qualification for the sentence to work) conductor is over 50? And a lesbian? Are the guys out of the lust woods? What will the poor sex-crazed string section think of that? Could this deviance have them ripping at their tails? And was Comrade Petrenko - oh God and he was so lovely in that other interview - not concerned with how the straight women members (putting 'women' in front of members is ok here, I think) in the orchestra react to beautiful him? Hmm, HMM? If only the men had kept it simple for us in classical music: males everywhere, like they have in Germany and Austria. Male conductors, male orchestras. Bob ist deine Onkel and Fanny is, well let's leave that. Unless of course Bob is gay...
Oh yeah, I put Xian up there because she was the other woman conductor at the Proms last year. And that's the bloody last time I'm writing woman in front of conductor, ok. She is not so vilified, I hazard because: she's not American (though she lives in New York City), she didn't conduct on the last night and, she's married to a man (I know, I know, every bit as dykey as Marin, that's what I thought).
Oh yeah yeah, Nicola. I put her in because she is the often strapless beauty with universal approval. I'm suddenly too depressed to list why. Also, she's from Glasgow and it's good to see someone up there now and again whom no-one is going to twin with deep fried Mars Bars.
And breathe...
The conductor of the Royal Liverpool Philarmonic, Vasily Petrenko, believes that conducting is for men, that: 'a cute girl on the podium means that the musicians think of other things'. I think he means the male musicians. I think. There's sparrows of confusion circling my head now. Haven't we heard this burqa-style argument before? But wait a minute, what if the woman (I really can't apologise enough but I have to make the gender qualification for the sentence to work) conductor is over 50? And a lesbian? Are the guys out of the lust woods? What will the poor sex-crazed string section think of that? Could this deviance have them ripping at their tails? And was Comrade Petrenko - oh God and he was so lovely in that other interview - not concerned with how the straight women members (putting 'women' in front of members is ok here, I think) in the orchestra react to beautiful him? Hmm, HMM? If only the men had kept it simple for us in classical music: males everywhere, like they have in Germany and Austria. Male conductors, male orchestras. Bob ist deine Onkel and Fanny is, well let's leave that. Unless of course Bob is gay...
Oh yeah, I put Xian up there because she was the other woman conductor at the Proms last year. And that's the bloody last time I'm writing woman in front of conductor, ok. She is not so vilified, I hazard because: she's not American (though she lives in New York City), she didn't conduct on the last night and, she's married to a man (I know, I know, every bit as dykey as Marin, that's what I thought).
Oh yeah yeah, Nicola. I put her in because she is the often strapless beauty with universal approval. I'm suddenly too depressed to list why. Also, she's from Glasgow and it's good to see someone up there now and again whom no-one is going to twin with deep fried Mars Bars.
And breathe...